I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
