he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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