I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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