living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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