why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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