I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
