She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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