My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
