I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Couch. On fire.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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