I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
