I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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