I will die if light touches me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
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