I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
