his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
