A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize