I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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