ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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