It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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