38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize