would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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