i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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