im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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