I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
