"it" just moved
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
