it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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