i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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