New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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