i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize