turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
