Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
