If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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