R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
