i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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