zippers are such a cool invention
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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