I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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