i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
