He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
