i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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