Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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