I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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