Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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