The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize