Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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