i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
