I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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