my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
