you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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