New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
