what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
