I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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