I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Drake has all the answers
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
