i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize