Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
