i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
