I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
