haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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