new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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