I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
