Welp...herpes.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
