my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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