I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
