You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
