just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
