I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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