I got chris browned last night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
