All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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