I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's never too late to be topless.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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