Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
