My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize