I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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