How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
