Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
