I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
