We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
